christmas eve

So, here's my tale of lore for this year's Christmas eve.

I was driving down a stretch of highway near Oil City around noon when I had to make a left turn. Reese, Mom Welms and myself were in her mom's Escape with myself driving. I'm preparing to make my left turn when some dude in a large Chevy Silverado decided to try and make me move over into the other lane by making an illegal turn onto the highway. I know the turn he made is illegal because I frequently make that turn and in doing so, always take note of the sign that says ALL TRAFFIC MUST TURN RIGHT. So, I don't move over for the jerk - after all, he made an illegal turn, and I'm going to be making a perfectly legal left turn in about ten seconds. The dude comes inches away from slamming into the Escape, so I lay on the horn. And I mean LAYYYYYYYYY on it. To be a hard-ass, he drives up along side me and starts shouting profanities at me, while hanging out of his window. At this point, I say to myself - "What could possibly piss him off more than what I just did?" So, I begin to laugh INCREDIBLY hard at him making a total ass out of himself. This infuriates him to the point of challenging me to pull my vehicle over and step outside with him. All the while I'm trying to keep myself together enough to make the actual turn I had intended. I end up making my turn, but not before Reese's mom winds the window down and informs him that we have his plate number and that we'll be reporting him to the cops.

I couldn't believe it either. I wanted to belt out something clever like "I'm sure your wife will be at home just waiting for another black eye, why waste one on me?" but seriously, this stuff was one of the funniest situations I've ever had the pleasure to be a part of. That dude was a piece of work!

I wish Reese would have wished him a Merry Christmas, like she had wanted to...

how the grinch stole direct tv

Whilst browsing my DirectTV lineup the other day, I happened upon a block of time for Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas". I'm a bit new to the whole digital television experience, so I'm still exploring the descriptions of shows. It read:

"A curmudgeon seeks to end Christmas merrymaking in a town below Mt. Crumpet"

I love hidden nuggets of comedy like this. I stuff like this all the damn time to Rollo, but I swear out of every fifty-some I post / create / make, he only ends up finding three. Seriously, when my time is up on this planet and Rollo is still around - the greatest gift I could ever give would be to have him keep finding the shit I left him many years ago.

Wow, that took a morose turn. All I'm trying to say is DirectTV is hilarious and Rollo does not pay a damn bit of attention to anything.

new headliner & present

In the grand spirit of the most egotistical Christmas present ever - I give you this link.

There, you'll find each headliner image I've used this year - in case you found any one particularly funny or rediculous.

Enjoy the new headliner. And yes, it's included in the present.

overpasses & home

After driving under an overpass today I realized that for the past few years, and for the foreseeable future, I will be driving under exactly one overpass on my drive home from work. True, I don't live where I used to, but I definitely can appreciate consistency. Why, do I think of such things? Well, it all started when I began listening to The Killers album "Sams Town" in 2006. This has slowly become one my most favorite discs in my collection. I throw the CD in the player, and almost instantly the worst day in my life can melt away like a springtime thaw. But I digress - I play the CD and I can just tune out and think. The disc is THAT good. I'll listen to the title track to that disc quite frequently and just tune into the outside world on my ride home.

That's how I came to the conclusion that I encounter exactly one overpass during my drive home.

new home

So I've been moved into our new home for about a week and a half now, and I'm seemingly supposed to have a grip on all things boxed. I'd have to be hallucinating if I thought this house was becoming any more box-free. I'm guessing I'll work through these as I've worked through all my life's compartmental issues - I'll either put em in the attic or toss em in the basement for later review!

Here I am, all grown up. The owner of a newly renovated home and a father-to-be. Reese is definitely pregnant! We went to our first doctor's visit last week and got grilled by the doctor about our family history. I didn't need to answer much, but I considered myself the "Mike Tomlin" of the meeting:

"We'll take it one day at a time. We're gonna continue to do what we do... Mitch Berger..."

New baby, or "Shrimp" as Reese calls it, will tell us whether it's a male or female sometime in March. (And quite honestly, it does not matter to me what the sex is - I just want what's best for the shrimp: to be healthy, happy and RICH BEYOND THEIR WILDEST DREAMS)

We've decided on names. Actually, we've been set on those for a while. If it's a girl, her name will be Gladys Alice Cat Stevens Crockett. A boy - Ron Burgundy Balthazar "The Duke" Crockett.