Friday, December 28, 2007

Christmas Over!

I had a long, detailed blog about Christmas and what I got, but decided it was WAY cooler to go itemized.
Here's the short-list:

  • Van Halen tickets
  • room & board for the NHL Winter Classic
  • about $200 (already spent, sorry thieves!)
  • a much needed sweater
  • as equally necessary pair of jeans
  • a replacement Anchorman DVD
  • a Dogma DVD (funny movie!)
  • the book: I Am America (And So Can You!)
    by Steven Colbert
  • various car cleaning products
  • a collection of short Spongebob books
  • a handy mini shop vac
  • a scarf & gloves (the gift that warms my soul)
  • lottery tickets
Surprising exclusions from my gift list are:
  • 94% of my Amazon.com wish list
  • a gift card of ANY kind
  • the gift of satire
    (a comedic gift that would have played
    on one of my few flaws)
  • a set of combs (i sold my hair to buy YOU combs...)
Up next: New Years. The new headliner image has been ready for a while now and will be uploaded... well, its already done! Enjoy the remainder of 2007 and here's looking forward to a ripping good 2008!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Scarves!

I can't believe I've been so shortsighted through the years. In the winter I'm always cold. Always. So I've been pondering new ways to keep myself warm during the long, cold drive to work. The heater in my car works well enough, but I like to be extra, extra warm. Eight years ago, I had gone through a "Man, I sure dig Scooby Doo" stage. So for Christmas during my sophomore year in high school I received many a Scooby Doo gift. Among those Scooby presents I had received were a TV remote control holder, a small pocketwatch ( now that thing was AWESOME - had it clipped to my bookbag for years!) and a set of Scooby gloves & scarf. I've been wearing the scarf for a few days now. It's the first time I've ever really worn a scarf (besides when I go sled riding) and I must say, this thing keeps me REAL warm. I couldn't believe what a difference it made! My issue is that this thing probably would have fit me well in 2000, not 2007/08. When I tie it, it kinda looks like a bib! I don't care. It keeps me warm.

So, I'll be adding a few more scarves to my wish list this year.

Know yourself.
Heat is expensive.
Scarve yourself.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Sounds good

I'm not much for music reviews, but I can certainly appreciate it when recording artists are inspired by other recording artists. It is only after spending several years with my best friend Chuck H. am I able to turn a keen ear to most music and notice when something is / isn't borrowed from Green Day's arsenal of albums.

Lately, I've been listening to a couple of songs by Sum 41. In particular "Walking Disaster" and "March of the Dogs". Vocally, they sound Blink-182ish. However, these two songs channel Green Day.

The first time I listened to "Walking Disaster", I immediately noticed similar guitar riffs to several songs from American Idiot. The guitars throughout the song are reminiscent of the chords in Green Day's "Letterbomb" as well as the second movement in "Jesus of Suburbia" (think: HEY!... <chugga chugga>... HEY!...) I'd say about nintey percent of the song is fast paced and can be interpreted in different ways. Personally, when I listen to the lyrics I think of New Orleans, hurricane Katrina and the aftermath:

"The city's buried in defeat.
I walk along these no named streets..."

The two movements at the beginning and the end of the song pull from "Homecoming" and is somewhat structured like "Wake me up when September Ends". Listen here: YouTube.(audio only)

Their second song, "March of the Dogs" takes me back to Green Day's earlier albums. It seems that Sum 41 took their guitars from the beginning seconds of "Haushinka" from the nimrod. album. The more I listen to it, the more I think that it also borrows from Insomniac and "Panic Song". The lyrics are probably aimed at Bush:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the underclass,
The president of the United States of America..
Is Dead!"

The story here is not unlike the one told in American Idiot (the song); president's a moron (no head means no brains), the whole damn system is filled with liars, etc. The end of the song comically swings to a style that borrows from the "Tales of another broken home" portion of "Jesus of Suburbia". Listen here: YouTube.(music video)

While I'm not saying that these songs are on the same level as Green Day or any of their albums. What I am saying is that it's good to hear how others take a good idea (American Idiot) and put their own spin on it (Sum 41).

While not nearly mastered as well as Green Day's American Idiot, it's a nice spin on it and definitely worth a listen.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tickets, man!

After yet another successful year of concerts / events, I'll be rounding out the year in a "grand finale" style. Reese, Rollo, moms & I managed to hook up with tickets for BOTH the NHL Winter Classic (Pens vs. Sabres, outdoor game in Buffalo) and Van Halen.
 
On the Buffalo side of things, we'll be traveling up there the day before (New Year's Eve) so we can PARTY!@$#! We'll enjoy the game on New Year's Day, and return home later that afternoon. Thank god for "floating personal holidays" or else I'd be in some trouble.
 
Van Halen comes to us on a Friday. Finally, a concert that works WITH my schedule. Nary a thing on this earth, nay! birth of a child could keep me from this concert. How often does Van Halen do Pittsburgh? Oh, once every 30 years or so. By my count, you can have precisely 40 kids in that amount of time, if you fully dedicate yourself to the process. Not that I'm expecting, but damnit, this concert is important!
 
If you're planning to go to either / both of these events, LET ME KNOW! We'll do it up right!

Friday, December 07, 2007

I'm so festive

God bless GIMP.

It keeps me somewhat creative while preparing my blog for the holiday season. To spell it out, I added some Christmas lights to my headliner up top. Its Crocktoberfest's first Christmas, so I wanna do it up right. It wouldn't make much sense to do up the blog with Christmas spirit in mid-July, now would it?

Psssst. Mid-July is our wedding. Keep the 12th open.

I also threw a little "graphics by GIMP" below my EXCELLENT LINKS section. Turns out the little fox (dog? no idea what that thing is) character's name is Wilber. I personally think that Wilber would make an excellent mascot for my blog as well as GIMP, though I'd never try to steal him away from his current job.

I admire your work, Wilber.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Baltimore (no Billy Idol)

The Dan Band was amazing. We got to the venue a little early so we could get some great spots on the floor, and were three rows from the stage. Reese took some amazing pics! I'm sure they'll be facebook'd soon. The best part had to be when Dan called the "christmas ho" up on stage. He picked an old dude standing right in front of me to go up and dance with the backup dancers while sharing in the christmas spririt of being ho-ish. He did well as a ho. He even got a free "HO" t-shirt. Good for him!

Beer was $5 for bud light pounders. After a pre-show drink, we passed on drinking for the remainder of the evening. Two beers for $10? I don't think so.

The next day, Reese's sister took us around Baltimore and showed us the multi-million dollar mansions that we couldn't ever dream of owning. Some of these houses were the most massive homes I've seen in my life. One house had two full wings of the house covered in skylights. You know a house is huge when it has an east/west wing, but to cover them in skylights? That homeowner has some serious scratch to throw around.

The one thing I'll take from this trip is that Rollo & I can't navigate worth a shit. Reese is like our own personal Garmin.
(LaReese, LaReese, LaReese, LaReese, LaResa-Garmin!)

Friday, November 30, 2007

In the midnight hour...

She cried, (balti)more, more more!

Headin' to Baltimore with Reese & Rollo this weekend to see The Dan Band, one of Rollo's most favorite bands. Speaking of The Dan Band, I want this to be very clear: Rollo has never ONCE ripped off a single Dan Band act. I'll not hear the lies. For as long as I've known Rollo, he's been acting, dressing and (more importantly) SINGING like a girl. If anything, its is DAN HIMSELF that copied Rollo. Maybe I'll make a facebook group in an attempt to liberate Rollo from the grasp of heathenism.

Hah. Naw, Rollo's alright. In fact, he and a mere pack animal (a ram) built the very venue in which The Dan Band will be performing. Sadly, a day before construction was complete, the ram died. In memory of his once alive animal friend, Rollo named the place Ram's Head Live - particularly because he liked his ram and he liked him alive.

While in Baltimore, we plan on visiting the sights! Like The Louvre, Space-camp and the official birthplace of the neon light!
...
Either that, or we'll check out a starbucks.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Its all gravy

Yesterday at about lunchtime I visited the Giant Eagle Market District in Bethel Park. I hadn't decided if I was hungry or not, so I took a real solid look around the entire place. I, of course, was on my typical hunt for fat-free foods. I found some offerings of soup from Campbell's that I hadn't known about, in particular the New England Clam Chowder with one gram of fat in it tickled my fancy. That's pretty huge for me as I'm a lover of all things chowder. Despite the chowder, I have to think the best thing I found was the fat-free gravy.

This changes everything.

Thanksgiving would normally come and go and leave me very disappointed. Turkey is fine, yeah, but what's turkey without the gravy? What's fat-free mashed potatoes without that delicious slop? Ted (the gravy king) would have dumped me over the side of a boat and into a harbor a long time ago had he known I wasn't doing my civic duty by sampling the various Thanksgiving gravies. The best I could do would be to have some ketchup with my turkey (an OK thing, but that's about it). Now that the Heinz company has come through for me, I've now got another chance at truly enjoying Thanksgiving!

Bring on the turkey. Bring on the potatoes. Bring on the football. But most importantly:

Bring on the gravy.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Engaged

I'm officially engaged. Reese & I made it official yesterday. I've got a blog so I'll chronicle it!

(To set the scene, She has NO idea I'm going to propose, let alone that I had a ring.)
Reese and I usually wake up early on Sundays and go to the park. I do some running, she does some walking and we eventually end up throwing some frisbee. This particular Sunday, we went to Rotary park in California where we first met. Its not unusual for us to go here, we spend at least a few hours there each week to get some exercise. I hid the ring in a zipper pocket of my running pants before I walked out the door of my house. When we get there, I talk with my buddy's mom who I had seen passing and Reese began her walk. A few laps into her walk she asks "Do you mind if we just skip frisbee today? It's cold." to which I reply "Nope, we're throwing some frisbee at least for a few minutes." I proceed normally. The ring is safely tucked inside my pants pocket and I run my mile. After my mile is complete, Reese and I walk toward the middle of the field. I put my hands in my pockets to make it look like I'm trying to "warm them up". I grabbed the ring and placed it in my left hand, still acting like I'm warming them up. She's still walking towards me, but I notice she's got her mitten to her mouth. "What's wrong?" I ask. She replied that she had thrown the frisbee up in the air, went to catch it, missed it and it fell and hit her square in the lip.

Precisely the opening I was looking for.

My original idea was to begin throwing the frisbee but "twist my ankle" and get down on one knee, then pop the question. It turns out I didn't need to do any such thing. She provided me the perfect opportunity to propose, herself. The frisbee had hit her upper lip, and she wanted me to to make sure there wasn't anything wrong (which there obviously wasn't) so I knelt down on one knee and told her to look up. I got the ring out, and when she looked down she was met with a "LaResa Mae Welms, will you marry me?"

I was a bit taken back by the way she replied initially, saying "Are you serious?" forcing me to push the whole ring thing harder. THEN! Then she leaves me hanging! For what felt like an eternity, she just kind of gawked and didn't say much. I could have sworn I was on my knee for an hour. Many thoughts ran through my mind. "Did I do this right?", "Is this the wrong setting?", "Why the hell isn't she saying YES?"

When I finally got the answer I was looking for (she said "yes") she flipped her wig. What started as some soft crying, exploded into what I like to call "The Hines Ward End Zone Dance." She does this bit of a jump-and-twirl dance each time Hines scores a touchdown (she's got him on her fantasy football team). So, I was relieved after she broke into dance. We exchanged some more mushy moments, while some people drove by beeping and yelling out the windows of their cars.

The best part of the whole engagement came while we were walking back to the car. She said, "This is exactly how I wanted you to propose: where we met." You couldn't spell RELIEF better if you handed me a burrito and some Pepto Bismol. All I could think at that moment was "home run".

She spent the rest of the day calling everyone on earth and letting them know that she was indeed engaged. It was a fantastic day filled with many a happy tear and many a good time. I'm really glad that I was able to do something really and truly right for that girl. Love you, Reese.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Terrible music

Wanna hear a truly terrible song? Look no further than "Is there a Ghost?" by Band of Horses. Go here to listen to it.

Most music today friggin' sucks. Seriously, when did record labels come out and say "Okay, I want BAND X to repeat the same three lines over and over again but just change the music a little while you do it. That song by Band of Horses is an example of a truly bad song. I'm being very truthful when I say the song has three lines. THREE LINES! And they're getting national exposure. PATHETIC.

What the hell happened to music, nowadays? Remember "Take a Picture" by Filter? How about, "Everything is All Right" by Motion City Soundtrack. Those were some songs that maybe weren't great, but at very least they had lyrics that told a story.

This makes me wonder if I'm not the victim of a Band of Horses joke. I'm wondering if they made this song as one of those "filler" songs that they had never intended to go national, but if it did, they can laugh at the ridiculousness of it . If that were the case, I'd respect them for their funny-bone, but I seriously doubt an indie band like Band of Horses would do that. Its a damn shame that some suit was shortsighted enough to allow crap like that to ruin the good name plastic has given CD's.

Now, if you'd like to hear a good song, try "Thrash Unreal" by Against Me!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Great DVD player

God, I need a new DVD player. A few years ago, my pops won a contest where he worked and ended up with this prize. It worked swell up until last year at some point. Each time Rollo, Reese and I sit down for an evening of movie watching, we can manage to get through about 3/4 of the movie before it starts skipping - sometimes back to the DVD menu itself! I don't know if it just gets too hot (it doesn't feel hot) or if its just another rickety piece of junk that somehow hammered out a few years worht of functionality. Whatever the case, I have another DVD player in my room that I always forget about. If I use brain sometimes maybe I get watch DVD movie yes? Yeesh, I'm a moron.

We ended up watching Stranger than Fiction and while it didn't really fit into what I thought I was going to see, I still enjoyed it. That is, I expected another Will Ferrell "slap-my-knee" comedy. At the end of the movie, I was more disappointed I didn't get many one-liners or clever quotes from it. Rollo had asked me what I had thought about it, and I replied "It's not my favorite, but certainly don't hate it." After sleeping on it, though, I realized that I did rather enjoy the movie. It could easily fit into my arsenal of movies. Good movie! I'll be sure to add it to my Amazon.com wish list.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Fer!

Each month I'm going to update my banner at the top of my blog. Good fer me! So for those of you who enjoy those kind of "easter eggs", good fer you too!

Now, my real purpose for blogging. I typically write/post my blog via email. In my email, I have a very good spell check. It corrects me during those rare instances where I am wrong. Somehow, in my opening sentence (directly above) it failed to correct me when I typed the word "fer" intead of "for". I consulted the Merriam-Webster dictionary for the complete definition. Here's where that got me:

Main Entry:
-fer
Function:
noun combining form
Etymology:
French & Latin; French -fère, from Latin -fer bearing, one that bears, from ferre to carry — more at bear
: one that bears <aquifer>



Not so helpful!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Columbus? BLAH!

Saturday was a riveting success. I'm speaking of course about the hockey game that both myself, Reese, McBride and Rollo enjoyed. The city of Columbus? Not so much.

Saturdays in Columbus are exactly like that of a classic western town whenever "Mad McGee" rode into town on horseback to shoot up the sheriff. All shops in the area were closed except for a lone Subway (one out of the six we passed) which is precisely where we went for a quick bathroom break. When we asked the three employees "Why is everything closed today?" one replied "Man, its Columbus and its Saturday." I guess the entire city shuts down for the weekend. I figured a capital city would at least have somewhere to go to grab a bite to eat (sans Subway). We were mistaken with a capital "M". After wandering the city for several hours, we asked a friendly police office where the nearest food venue (that offered lunch) could be found. I finally got to eat at a Max & Erma's, which was nice enough but offered NOTHING that I could indulge in aside from my few bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale. I pretty much starved until the hockey game (that Subway from above closed a few hours after we left --- yes we found out the hard way). At the game I had a salad which was pretty terrible, but the fruit punch I also ordered was spot-on. Sharks lost 2-1, but the day - believe it or not - was pretty damn fun. Lots of good jokes, good laughs and good times.

Reese found out that she not only shared a birthday with Rollo, but her BOY Milan Michalek. A funny thing about Reese's sports passion is that she lives and dies with each moment in the game. Especially Michalek's moments. Whew.

God bless the good company, the three and a half hour drive there would have been unbearable without it!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A dental success

I recently completed my usual trip to the dentist, who had informed me in months passed that I needed to have a filling. I've had fillings before, sure, but none required the use of anesthetic. I don't like needles at all, so that tended to work out pretty well for me. This time around was a different story. It seems I needed some work on a cavity in the rear balcony area of my mouth. They called it a molar. I call it the cheap seats. No matter, I needed that dreaded shot to numb me up good. I guess whenever it comes to getting shots, I've not progressed past the mentality of a toddler. "A shot? NO! Wheres my sucker? WAAHHHHHHHH!!!!" Seriously, thats what goes through my head.

To my surprise, the dentist was damn good at preventing me from feeling anything at all. He rubbed a Q-Tip with some red goop on my gums first to numb them in a way that was not unlike ambasol. It had a strong cherry flavor to it, but its not something I'd consider for recreational use. After a few minutes, he jabbed me with the needle of numb-stuff and I didn't feel a thing. Turns out I was worried about nothing at all.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Hundred Acres Manor

So, Reese and I are tired of going to the same damn haunted houses year-in, year-out. Rich's Fright Farm is predictably bad each year, Fright Nights at Kennywood is pretty good, though you can't ever get into everything you'd like to see, and Station Scare is pricey. A place near Consol called Hundred Acres Manor pulls in a decent sized crowd each year, so we figured we'd might as well check it out. Boy, that isn't an understatement. After about a two hour wait in line, we got into the place which featured a grand assortment of rooms, twisted corridors, runways, ramps and an inflated hallway that felt like I was mashed in between a very clean, well-kept set of asscheeks. Without a doubt, this place was one of the better haunted houses I've ever experienced. What impressed me the most is that they took one approach to scaring you: shock value. Rather than trying to serve you a twelve-course meal of terror, they just focused on catching you off guard (which they did WELL). The highlight of the night was going into the room where a fake wolfman was designed to flip a small bed up against a wall and jump out at you. This portion of the house must have malfunctioned because Repairman Hal and his team of handyman understudies were all working on it in the middle of a tour. Fantastic effort all around.

Oh yeah! Some dead dude caught wind of Reese's "name" and heckled her for several rooms. He got most of it right, calling her "Mareesahhhh!" before Reese stopped, corrected him and immediately went back to being scared.

This weekend I get to go to a San Jose Sharks game in Columbus, Ohio. The Sharks are my 2nd favorite team. Accompanying myself will be Girlfriend Reese, Fun-Fact Ryan McBride and IDK my BFF Rollo. I cannot wait to slum around Columbus for the day before seeing the likes of Milan Michalek, Patrick Marleau ( who looks a great deal like me) and Joe Thornton pummel some junior varsity Blue Jackets. Yes... Excellent birthday present.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Beverly Hills?

I found this on Weezer's official site, and its one of the funniest =w= I've seen in a long time.

Animal attack

Yesterday, when I woke up at about 4pm, my day started rough! Here's my rough go of it:

Reese was stressin' about finishing her portfolio so she can student teach. We had to see a house at 7pm. I needed to go running. I also needed to eat, which I have little time for as it is. The job I applied for seems to be stuck in limbo. All of this accompanying my usual gripes about the price of gas, the mileage I put on my car driving to Pittsburgh every day, and tending to the needs of five kittens.

Then, after I realize I can't afford the house we just looked at, I come to the conclusion that my "new job" is moving further and further from my grasp. I haven't heard ANYTHING from either Human Resources or my would-be new boss in WEEKS. I was under the impression that they were filling the position starting Monday, October 23. Who knows, anymore.

So I've pretty much drug myself down about as far as I can go before I head out to work at 11:15pm. Midnights... bummer... Anyway, I must have walked back and forth to my car about a half dozen times to get things I had forgotten on my way out the door. After I finally get in the car and head out, I put on some old ass relaxing tunes and make for work.

Its dark out. I rarely speed in my car. Its brand new, and its not like it was built for speed anyway. I'm literally less than a mile away from work when a deer jumped off a hillside and lands on the very front of my car. Ugh. It didn't do much damage, just popped the grill out and left a thumb-length crack in my plastic bumper cover. Nothing great, but I'm still pretty pissed. I baby that car, and still I end up with a beat car.

Lookin' forward to tomorrow when I can just relax and figure out how to fasten my grill to my car without sending it to the shop for another few weeks. Rough day!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Haunted Housing & Sweet Tea

I feel my house hunting experience is finally winding down. You won't believe how much money I've spent on gas over the past few weeks just trying to get to these places. Its a damn shame, and much to my chagrin, gas just went up another ten cents! PHOOEY! Is it just me, or does even the price of gas seem possessed by some foul being? Must be this time of year...

I've learned that the new McDonald's Sweet Tea is the real-life equivalent of Tomacco. There must be several pounds of sugar stirred into each brewing jug. Reese has been on a Sweet Tea kick lately and I tried some for the first time just the other day and MAN, what a piece of work that stuff is! DIABETICS BEWARE! The real trouble with this stuff is that it is quite addictive. It was quite a displeasure to drink, but I couldn't just stop with a sip. I had to keep drinking that disgusting excuse for tea until I had realized I'd become a junkie in a mere matter of minutes. This crap is no joke. I'd strongly recommend drinking a great quantity of water soon after drinking one of these disasters, lest you succumb to kidney failure.

Oh, one last "bonus bit 'o bullshit": Hardee's (creators of the Monster ThickBurger) is going to release a 920 calorie breakfast burrito complete with 60 grams of fat. I read this article yesterday that called this corporate irresponsibility "food porn". HAHA! This leaves me with one question: where do I go to download this burrito?

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The hunt continues

Yesterday, Reese and I checked out a couple more dwellings.

The first place was a well-priced apartment, in a prime location. In a word, the place was "quaint". It wasn't the bare-bones deal you'd find in lesser neighborhoods; not by a stretch. In the same regard, the place wasn't in the echelon of Parkside Estates either. It was a fine, mid-level, quality apartment. Actually, it reminded me of my very first apartment. Not too suave, not too rustic. Some things are nice about it. The washroom is huge, and all appliances are new. Other things aren't so nice. The bedrooms and living room were quite small.

While driving from those set of apartments, we came across an ad in a newspaper for a three bedroom house for rent in the Cecil/Bridgeville/Southpointe area. First off, I had no idea that such an area even existed. After all, I worked for a year in Cecil township installing residential waste systems. I know that town like the back of my hand. I was surprised. okay? The house is pretty big, well laid out and roomy. Its got a garage, an ideally sized yard, finished basement and a down-to-earth landlord. Its certainly the priciest of the structures we've looked at thus far. That didn't prevent us from filling out a rental application on the spot, though!

So now I'm toying with the idea of either living at Parkside Estates or this Cecil home. I know I want a house, but I don't want a house I can't afford. I'd rather not do the whole apartment thing again, if I can avoid it. However, the luxury that Parkside offers goes pretty much unmatched by these other places. We've got a few more to look at, hopefully by tonight. With any luck, we'll arrive at a well-thought-out, mutual decision shortly thereafter.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The hunt

God I love October. Nothing more to that other than the usual halloweeny, seasonal stuff. Oh, and my birthday. I damn enjoy this time of year.

Househunting!

So Reese and I looked at a townhouse and a set of apartments yesterday. The townhouses were located in Bridgeville and MAN did they suck! They were small, overpriced and brimming with hidden fees. They even went as far as to go out of their way to say "And you can even put a grill out on your patio, so long as you can provide proof of rental insurance." Who the hell says something like that!?!? Seriously, neither me, Reese or my mom inquired about putting a grill on this deck-ish patio. The property manager just kind of "offered" that bit of information. WEIRD! Overall, the community was nice enough, I guess. They were renovating the exteriors of the townhomes, which was okay, but that didn't warrant the damn near $1100 a month they estimated I'd be dropping on it. Remember this name, and quickly forget it: Springhouse Communities.

On a whim, we decided to check out the luxury apartment campus called Parkside Estates in Canonsburg. We'd originally planned on scheduling a showing with them for later in the week, but we were in the area. We caught the property manager at 4:50pm, but he was more than happy to show us an apartment. These were MUCH nicer than the townhouses we saw earlier. The floor layouts are only a single level, but they are very, very spacious. The prices are very reasonable, and the community has everything that I'd need --- especially a running trail. These apartments are definitely on our short list.

The search will continue through this week. We're going to look at another townhouse as well as a few houses in the Canonsburg / Bridgeville / Carnegie area. Expect results soon.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Haircut

Oh yea, I forgot to mention I got a haircut.

You may look up above at my headliner banner and think "That doesn't really look anything like Josh, what with his head so lavishly bedecked with waves of pure brownish-black bliss. Why would he use such an old pic?" Well, friends, the truth is that I got a much needed haircut this past Saturday. The mop is gone. I look very much like my old self.

I had originally asked the knife-wielding, hair wench to refer to the Crock & Murph logo to get a rough idea as to what I want. I wanted to still be mop-esque, but just a bit more refined. A short trim on the top with a generous trim to the side. I'm not saying she did a terrible job, but I look nothing like I do in that picture. I'll go home and pose with a pouty-face in the mirror of my bathroom and put it up here later, or whenever. My contract actually binds me to put in on MySpace first, then my blog, then Facebook and proceeds in that order until my face is adorning local boroughs' volunteer firefighter websites from geocities to angelfire and back again.

Yes, I just took it back to 1999.

My new (old) haircut makes me feel less alive, but much more streamlined. And I guess if I were to grab a Halloween costume, it would be easier to manage without all the hair getting in the way of facepaint or a mask.

Speaking of The Mask, that movie was damn funny. I encourage all of you weekend-lame-asses to go rent it for Saturday evening.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Some kinda nonsense

I stole this little surveyish type thing from Rollo's blog, the author of which subsequently stole it from blogs unknown. Here's my take on it.

Accent
– I can do an AWESOME Brittish nanny voice. Otherwise, I've refined the "Pittsburgh-ese" out of my system years ago. Yinz. What the hell...

I Don’t Drink – Anything with a Mr. Yuk sticker on it. (Download it, HILARIOUS!)

Chore I Hate – Kitty litter boxes. Do not make the same mistake I did by volunteering for litter duty.

Pets – I have the 12 apostles of pets. They follow me around like I'm Jesus Christ, himself. Just for fun, I'll detail them in apostle form in future blog posts, but for now here we go:

  • Dogwood (medium dog)
  • Rat Man (small dog)
  • Tater (medium slut/cat)
  • Smitz (small cat)
  • Simone (small cat)
  • Mitch (small cat)
  • 5 yet-to-be-named (and very much in need of a good home) kittens
  • LaResa (girlfriend who takes jokes VERY WELL)
Essential Electronic – my mobile contact solution (cell)

Perfume/Cologne – Curve

Gold or silver – Silver, its much classier and goes with just about anything.

Insomnia – had a bout with it towards the end of high school, and again my junior year of college - each time it was completely resolved by repeatedly playing my VHS of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" starring Donnie Osmond

Job Title – Consol Energy Associate Help Desk Administrator - its just as important as it sounds

Most Admired Trait – Since about 2004 , my perseverance has been the most widely discussed trait. I lost a lot of weight. I have to assume its admired, but nobody has ever been like "Crock, you know the most admirable trait you posses is your perseverance." No, we tend to be less cultured around here.

Kids – I consider myself a kid at heart. I get along well with the kids in my own family, as well as LaResa's.

Religion – Catholic, though I don't follow it very well anymore.

Siblings – Brother Jaker and Sister Courtney. We're all monks, so these are their formal titles.

Time I wake up – 6:30am when I work daylight, 5:30pm when I'm stuck on the graveyard.

Unusual talent/skill – I can eat more chinese food than any beast that has ever lived.

Worst habit – I kicked the whole "biting nails" thing, so I guess I'll need to cut back on my totally kickass swearing habit. Come to think of it, I do drop the F-Bomb a lot. I'll start on this as soon as I fuckin' get around to it.

My favorite meal – chinese food, totally bad for you, totally good to me. i love to hate this stuff.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Finally, a template!

Welcome to the new blog.

I tossed around ideas about what I'm going to call my blog, how I wanted it laid out, and the possible catchy descriptors to insert into the lower right corner of that image up top. I had only a few ideas for a title, the best of which were already used by other bloggers. I decided on something that directly related to me.

How I came about the name "Crocktoberfest" was fun. I took three days and tried to collect my thoughts about how I felt about myself. In short, I gave myself a self-audit. I came up with three distinct things:

  • I like being funny.
  • I like my birthday.
  • I like to party.
Immediately, my birthday drew correlation to autumn --- hence the layout. I thought about the word "partying" for a very brief moment before I decided that the word "fest" was adequate for a party in the autumn (obviously borrowing from Oktoberfest). The rest, is history. Crocktoberfest was born.

On a related note, back in high school around this time of year I'd have a weird ass party where I'd require EVERYONE (guys inclusive) to wear a kilt or skirt of some kind. Awkward successes, these parties were. Glad I stopped having them. No need to be galabanting around in a skirt. Ever.

Bid a fond farewell to my series of Sex Panther blogs. Enjoy the warmth and welcome of Crocktoberfest.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

I know now!

I think I know why I post so infrequently anymore: I desperately want to move away from this drab blog style.

Maybe its just me, but does anybody other than myself feel that this layout here feel like a generic, winter day? This template (called Tic-Tac Blue) was one of about fourteen layouts available whenever I created this blog. Options were limited then, and options are limited now.

To be downright honest, there aren't many templates out there that are "Crock" templates. The other ones offered by Blogger seem tailored to a younger set of eyes, with vivid clashes of color and an almost abusive use of pastels. I'm not a black-on-green-on-hot pink kinda guy. I'm looking for the middle ground. Something between punk/goth teenage girl and business casual. Specifically, a spiced up, post-modern type blog would do nicely.

My inspiration for finally addressing my need for a layout change comes mainly from Rollo, who recently redesigned his blog. You should check it out. Not to take away from his blog, but what really did it for me was when he introduced me to The Burgh Blog. Mind you, I've never read a single thing about this blog, but when Rollo pushed me there I immediately noticed the novelty of this blog. Its got a very simple layout, almost to a fault, but it ties it all together with color-scheme that jives very well with the headline banner. My favorite part of this whole experience is the female paper doll that appears before every post. In a word, this blog is classy. Well... the layout at least... I need to get around to actually reading it.

So my search is on. Wish me luck. I hope to hell I don't have to move to Wordpress.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Politics and Metal Bats

Ya know what really gets my goat? When people who know NOTHING about SOMETHING and make waves to have that SOMETHING eliminated, removed, withdrawn or otherwise ceased.

If you have an extra ten minutes, I encourage you to read this article. Its about a politician who somehow convinced a federal judge - WITHOUT ANY EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE - to ban metal bats used by youth baseball leagues in New York for safety reasons. This is proof of how terribly crooked America is today; when some pompous old windbag can change a national pastime by offering nothing more than conjecture. This is a city councilman and apparently - when it comes to baseball in New York - he runs the show. What's worse is that the shortsighted judge upheld his bullshit argument. Here's a message for the both of you, Mr. City Councilman and Mr. Judicial System.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

Welcome, everyone, to the very root of socialism.

I'm not going to go into my rant about politics today and how its membership pool is the very cholera that doomed America's wagon train. No. You filth aren't worth my time.

I had originally intended to write about my fantasy leagues, recent conquests, and an upcoming fantasy football related article that I'll be publishing on a weekly basis. But, this.. This is just wrong...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Fantasy Update

A few years ago my good friend (and then-known-as) Jason "Low Ridin' Muffins" Rollison introduced me to fantasy football, much to my initial disinterest. It didn't take long, but I had come to really enjoy the whole fantasy football thing. I followed the natural progression throughout fantasy sportsdom - moving to fantasy hockey, completely ignoring basketball and ending with fantasy baseball before repeating with football the following year.

I haven't enjoyed a game of "pretend" this much since I was five.

Now, I'm regularly involved in competitive leagues, often with the victor claiming some sort of cash prize. The more leagues I can get in, the more I learn about the game and the more I become addicted. Hell even my girlfriend is heavily involved in the whole fantasy sports thing. (Not to mention she won a fantasy championship in her first-ever effort - six months before I would ever taste a championship.... BAH!).

To get a leg up on all things "fantasy sports", I frequent a website called Rotoworld.com. I find it to be a collection of complete, up-to-date (sometimes up-to-the-minute) and, above all, accurate information relating to athletes. They pool information on athletes from local newspapers, sports channels (Fox, ESPN, local stations) and magazines (they even have their own). This site has rarely - if ever - let me down. So I pretty much live and die by a combination of Rotoworld, Brandon Funston and Matt Romig.

(Kicks self for giving away my best fantasy sources.)

To that end, life without Rotoworld would put a serious dent in my trifecta of fantasy opinion. While Funston and Romig tend to be acceptable sources of fantasy "poop", their updates are weekly at best. This brings me to my purpose for adding the little widgets at the bottom right of my blog. Sometimes, Websense (internet monitoring program) likes to block access to Rotoworld.com because it gets misclassified as "Games", though it offers nothing but information on its' site. This information, albeit, is intended to be used for fantasy sports games but the point I'm trying to make is news is not games (Although Fox seems to make sport out of most news --- and I mean no disrespect to the Daily Show or Colbert Report). So here they are, for those of us who get Websense'd into using my blog as a source of fantasy sports information, I feel your pain. Your cries do not fall upon deaf ears.

Rotoworld and Sex Panther 2.1

Seems like a match to me.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Podcamp

Crock has been on midnights for the past two weeks... Here's what he thinks...

Its no secret that Crock & Murph has been shelved for the time being. In fact, we don't even have a timetable established for its (second) return (this year).

So, to help us build the show back up to its former greatness, Rollo and I will be attending "Podcamp" in Pittsburgh this coming Sunday. I'm hoping we'll learn some new techniques, meet some interesting people and do some serious networking. With any luck, we'll figure out what to do with Crock & Murph in the Morning.

SUYM's focus has been on this new video we filmed but haven't edited yet. Couple that with my rotating midnight shifts and I'm constantly feeling like I'm never getting anything done. Even Arms Longstrom has been put on the back burner.

Whatever.

I'm looking forward to the three fantasy football drafts I'll have this month. The biggest of the three will be occurring on August 25th, where our 4 year old, dynasty-esque league meets at my place to drink, draft and eat a variety of grilled foods.

I'm also looking forward to getting hired on as a real, live Consol Energy employee. It'll be nice to have some dental insurance, rather than this podunk insurance my contracting company makes available.

I'll be winning two of my three fantasy baseball leagues in the coming months. That'll play hell with Rollo's emotions. Lookin' forward to it!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Arms Longstrom Delay

Arms is going to have to wait.

I just got home from my hockey game and my hands are too shaky to properly illustrate this episode.

I draw this stuff with the mouse, and it didn't go very well at all when I tried to illustrate about five scenes.

I think I'm going to have to save Arms Longstrom for whenever I work midnights. I have absolutely no free time during the day to illustrate this stuff.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Where is Arms Longstrom?

Welp, a few of you have given me some choice words as to how you feel about the current delay in release of Episode 4 of The Story of Arms Longstrom. (Reese, I'm looking at you in particular.) I've got the storyboard written and all my ideas on paper. I've made it that far. I'm beat lately.

I get up early. I get home late.

Yesterday I had planned on working on the first half of the illustrations for episode 4, but my aunt was having some printer troubles, so I headed there directly from work. I got home at about 8:30pm and after a day of eating a fruit cup and water, I was starved. So I eat, check fantasy scores, watch Pokemon Diamond & Pearl and go to bed. Tonight I'll be headed back there to finally get this printer working again, so I'll not be in the studio for the umpteenth day in a row.

The good news is that I've freed my entire Saturday (sans 11:30am hockey game) of ankle-biters so I'll finally have the time it takes tol illustrate the whole episode. That'll take most of the afternoon to do. Saturday night we have a HUGE Uniontown bar crawl planned. I'm really looking towards loafing around the mean streets of Fayette county with a less-than-sober crew.

I'll sit in with Monte Lowe sometime on Sunday and get him to narrate the thing. He's not much for honoring the Sabbath day by resting, so I think it'll be relatively easy to convince him to come talk into a plastic tube for an hour or two.

In the meanwhile, Charles Holman (who happens to go WAYYYYYYY back with me) has been giving me some extremely good advice as if he were my would-be voice coach. He even went as far as to type up a rather long email, citing examples of what I need to work on and how I can improve Monte Lowe from a viewer's standpoint. This has been some excellent advice from an even more excellent friend.

Thanks again, man. Whenever you get home, hopefully we'll get some time together to work a bit more.

This has been a computerblog by the one, the fun -- Crock.

Monday, July 23, 2007

What's Really Good

So, Rollo decided to tell me that he's not cutting his hair until I cut mine. I think this is a noble idea. Not much could get me to cut my hair at this point in my life. It's shaggy. I'm shaggy.

We filmed part of our upcoming short this past weekend. It's got three distinct segments (filming-wise) that require a different amount of manpower for each segment, so we got the easiest one out of the way. We'll probably try to use the upcoming weekend to finish the other two segments. Rollo's gonna be editing this one and it has a TON of promise, so look forward to a resurgence of titanic proportions.

I still haven't had time to write this week's episode of "The Story of Arms Longstrom" and to be completely honest, might not happen this week. I've been exhausted. In trying to get back to a normal work schedule that I find myself so drained that I'm in bed by 8:30pm each night. With the time I try to put into the illustrations, it'll be a lunar month before I've got my bearings back about myself. In fact, I'm struggling mightily to stay awake right now.

Crock & Murph news is so cold right now, you'd think it was Bo Jackson's illegitimate son who's laboring away in the minor leagues of two-plus sports. Every time I call Murphy, he gets cell phone reception for about a minute and a half before his phone drops the call. This leads me to ask myself questions such as "Is he constantly standing next to a microwave?" or "Did he drive to Montego Bay to try and reunite himself with his long lost love --- the ocean?" or did he simply steal saran wrap from a local convenience store and he's manipulating my fragile mind by crackling it it my earpiece as soon as he gets bored with my call? All very distinct possibilities.

In the meanwhile, I dare you to find another podcast as good as Crock & Murph. You just won't succeed. We're what's really good.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Game Boy Color!

My new (oldish) Game Boy Color just arrived a few moments ago!

I'm at work now, but Reese is testing it at the moment. She seems to be very satisfied with it.

More on this development as the information becomes available. Stay tuned.

POKEMON TONIGHT BABY!#@$!

Monday, July 16, 2007

The Last 48

So, over the weekend I had to kill a lot of time.

I started on Saturday by playing World of Warcraft from 8am til noonish in an effort to try to regain a normal sleep schedule. Three weeks of midnight will wreak havoc on a notorious napper like myself. At about 5:00 in the afternoon, I woke up and went to my hockey game. Earlier in the day I had learned I was playing goal this week, which is never fun for anyone involved. See, as much as I enjoy playing goal, I'm a serviceable goalie at best. Just ask me about the 2004 season. Better yet, ask Chuck about it. I'm sure he'll be less flattering towards my abilities. Haha. Regardless, we still won the game 8-6. Not bad for a team with no substitutes.

That night I tried to play "Lets drink Miller Lite until anything Loren Michaels produces is funny." I got about 1/4 of the way through the movie "Black Sheep" before Rollo came over and rescued me with his XBOX 360. He's got a shitload of old games from the era when video games were up-and-coming (80s-90s). Looking back at it, now, Golden Axe was hilarious.

Sunday I spent hanging out with Heather's family. Really, though, all I did was sit on a front porch at her house with some dude's band and drink Coors Light until I couldn't see straight. That was a LOT of beer! Eventually I went home and passed out.

Good weekend!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Awesome Excellence

Well, here's a rundown of my awesome excellence. (ie: What I've done this week so far)

I've slaved over the SUYM Characters page for damn near every night this week. It's almost done and just needs a few more minor details ironed out before I publicly release it. Enjoy the suspense!

Earlier this week, I completed writing the script for episode three of The Story of Arms Longstrom. Just a few minutes ago, I completed the illustrations for it. I'll probably sit in with Monte Lowe tonight to get the audio recorded. So, again, we're looking at a Tuesday (July 17th) release. Enjoy more suspense!

Wow. Now that I look back at it, my week was pretty lame. Two tasks? That's it? I did manage to squeeze a video game in there somewhere. That's just a time waster though. Whatever.

What's on my plate for this weekend? Probably gonna wake up early on Saturday (that's 1:00pm for you ill-informed folk - look, I've been working midnights) and finally go finish a film that's been in the works for what seems like years now. Rollo and I get to do this with the new cam as this will be it's maiden voyage. There's even gonna be a champagne-splosion to christen the thing!

I have a hockey game at 7:30pm on Saturday. That'll be lovely. Then, afterwards, I'm going to spend exactly $5 at Campy's on the way home and buy two 40oz. Miller Lites. I will then drink them in a hurried frenzy (after I get home) and pass out sometime before Rollo gets here and when he leaves. I don't get to drink much anymore, and damnit, I deserve a 40 or two. And if its one thing I know, 80oz of beer will get Crock mighty, mighty drunk.

Sunday I'm gonna hang with Heather and her family.

BOOYAH! for my well-planned-out weekend and awesome excellence in productivity!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Styx & New Stuff

Went to the Def Leppard on Saturday, and MAN it was a great time. The absolute best part of it (not to take away from DL) but the second act was BY FAR AND AWAY probably what I enjoyed the most. For the record, Styx performed as the second show that night.

Here's a bit of background: Rollo bought this song by Styx on iTunes a few months ago. Its a live version of Renegade that was performed as the encore of a show from the early 1990's where, at the end of the song lead singer begins to ramble about how he loved performing in St. Louis so much that the entire crowd should "get on the bus after the show and we'll all go to Kansas City and do it again tomorrow night." Well, they pretty much did the exact same thing here at the Post Gazette Pavilion. Now, they follow THAT little bit of nonsense up with a jingle-esque way of saying goodbye. In the song Rollo bought, they sang "We-gotta-go now Saint Leeeeewis, Musssorraahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and, to a much lesser extent, they did the exact same thing with "Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Nonetheless, it was amazing. You really can't begin to imagine how hard I laughed when they did this! I couldn't believe it, and I've been reliving it ever since.

"Uncle" Pete got a lot of pictures, which he gave me exclusive permission to post to my Flickr, though I hate posting other people's pics as my own. For now, you'll have to sort through Rollo's, Reese's and Pete's pics by using either Facebook or MySpace. I doubt I'll Flickr any.

New stuff for this week include:

Be sure to get back to me regarding the new Arms Longstrom. Let me know what you hate, love or don't care for.
shutupyourmouth@gmail.com

That's really all I have for now. More to come later.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Arms Longstrom

Last week I was writing down my thoughts and ideas for the week, and I decided that since making movies can't continue at the moment, that why not rush a not-so-refined, storybook-esque film onto the SUYM scene.

What I came up with was "The Story of Arms Longstrom", a series about a super hero stick figure with excessively long arms who uses this unique trait to help solve problems.


The story is not well drawn. It doesn't have any background (fictional or literal). It does, however, have imagination and a decent storyline. It's also narrated by Monte Lowe - the resident financial analyst for Crock & Murph in the Morning... (It's good to see him getting his life back together.)

I imagine that I'll produce three or four of these episodes. That'll give me enough time to guage the interest in the series and determine if its worth refining and keeping current.

This reminds me, if you're reading this - please download the first episode and leave me some feedback. You can email me at shutupyourmouth@gmail.com, or the email address in my profile here. I check both of them several times daily.

Otherwise, this first little cartoon was extremely fun to write and produce. I'm currently trying to think of creative ways to update Arms' appearance while keeping it simple enough to reproduce consistently. I've also got a primer ready for the next episode which I'll probably release sometime next week.

What I haven't decided on is how I'm going to continue the series each week. I'll obviously pick up from where I left off going from the first to second episode. I don't think they'll all be a two-part series, though, especially during the evaluation stage.

This series is vastly different from anything we've ever done on SUYM so far, and hopefully we'll get to keep Arms Longstrom in the fold for a long while.

Let me know if you like it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

For the next THREE WEEKS!

(In this edition of Sex Panther, I've filled the blog with easter eggs! Let's read more..)

No, nobody expects me to build a house in that amount of time. Although, Ted once commanded that I finish building his mom's new house in two weeks. Crap. I digress.

The extra special "treat-reward" that I'll be ever-so-enthusiastically gnawing on for a near month will be a hearty round of midnight shifts! So, while you're out tilling the fields, tending to the harvest or milking Ol' Bessy - I'll be fast asleep - probably doubled over a piping hot keyboard, in a failed attempt to bring you fine denizens of the digital computerweb some new(ish) content.

Now, while this may cause the tides themselves to wane into a deep, month-long recession, I expect no long-term ill effects. That is, unless you overlook the lack of sleep I'll likely have to endure in the coming weeks. Truth be told, it'll probably not be as bad as I'm making it out to be. Sure, nobody wants to work this crap shift but the consistency of working a steady shift (for once) does make it a bit easier to bear. I just wish there was somebody else there to talk to whilst I toil away at the help desk.

God, I can't wait to finally get a replacement camera. Hopefully sometime after Ted's wedding we'll all magically be richer. Boy, that'd be nice. I feel SUYM stagnating beneath my inability to actually go out and buy a decent camera. Damn my impatience. I know another one is coming soon, but I'm so chock full of ideas at the moment (not to mention my free time comes at a premium anymore). I've got two SUYM firsts brewing in my mind-mellon (both are songs) that can be produced this very summer had we the camera to film it. Damn my impatience, yet again. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like I'm just not doing my part if I can't produce some kind of material on a regular basis. What the hell good is SUYM if there's no new content? I remember when this place used to be a literal hub of entertainment for southwestern Pennsylvania. I'd like nothing more to return SUYM to that echelon.

I've got my share of little side-projects to occupy my time until then. I'm developing new pages for SUYM, which is going very well, but still only inspires me so much. I can only do so much with digital text and images. A good portion of this relies heavily on Rollo, who has admirably been working his ass off lately. Back to square one. Content will come...eventually...

Oh! I went to the Poison concert last Wednesday. Consol gave away premium box tickets which my buddy won, but ultimately gave to me. Reese and I sat in the box for a few songs, but rejoined our crew on the lawn to party hard. Reese got most of the pics from the concert, so you'll have to peep the pics her myspace or facebook, if you're lucky enough to know her.

Speaking of the concert, my girlfriend and Necciai are assholes (haha). They like to stand out of sunroofs / lean out of car windows with beers in their hands - while the car is still moving. The coppers stopped us, requested ID, asked if we were smoking weed (to which I replied with a hearty "I WISH!!") and released us from custody. Both Rollo and I (drivers of cars) dodged a bullet for the umpteenth time.

Rounding out the blog, here are some cool things that I think are important and you should know:

  • Brand New's new album "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me" is A+. Their single "Jesus Christ" is simply amazing. Catch my myspace and give it a listen. The CD cover is creepy.
  • Hard Fi has a good song out called "Cash Machine" that has some excellent lyrics with an 80's style riff. Haven't heard any of their other stuff, but Cash Machine is fantastic.
  • I've been watching reruns of The X-Files lately. I didn't realize what a truly good show it turned out to be.
  • For one reason or another, grape powerade is slowly becoming my second favorite drink to water. Tasty!
  • Lastly - kids; return your library books. Do your part. Make a difference.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Weird Dream

Last night it was super hot in my bedroom. It seemed like I could do nothing to cool it off. I turned the fan on high, kicked the covers off and hoped for the best. What I got was nothing short of weird!

See, whenever the temperature in my room creeps past seventy-five degrees, my dreams tend to become much more vivid and walk the thin line between dream and nightmare. More often than not, I'll have a nightmare that's so real that I'll wake up genuinely afraid of what I had been dreaming of. What a wimp I be.

Last night was no different. I ended up having several vivid dreams and one very, very vivid nightmare. I'll detail it now. (We're now entering dream-mode, so everything I say will be narrated as if I were dreaming.)

I'm standing in the town of Roscoe, PA where the sun is bright and the streets empty. While walking the street towards the end of town, the streets begin to skew and look more like Allenport, PA. No matter, as skewed as the streets become, they all lead to the end of town. As I continue my walk, the streets become narrow and wide in an almost heartbeat-esque style. I decide I've had enough with the streets and I take to the railroad tracks. The tracks seem firm enough, neither skewed or twisted, with the path ahead clear of railcars and the view just as clear. However, upon stepping on the tracks, I shift into another parallel reality. It seems that the tracks are a gateway to what is really going on in the little borough of Roscoe, PA. Stepping back off the tracks takes me back to the roads that are still skewing and twisting. While standing on the road, the day is clear and sunny and children are playing while adults tend to their yardwork. Immediately stepping back onto the tracks reveals the children are mercilessly fighting, wearing tattered clothes and generally appearing pauperish. The town has become a slum, with the adults no longer tending to their yards, but sitting in rocking chairs in the middle of their lawns, scratching and clawing towards me, screaming in a strange tongue "fresh meat". To make things even stranger, the adults had exposed pieces of bones, severe wounds, few teeth and spoke in a completely different dialect that I can only describe as "gutterspeak". It looked like a kingdom of the damned, and it was damned horrifying (heh). As I continued along the tracks I noticed a small militia had gathered. This militia looked most dishevelled, apparently suffering heavy losses at the hands of the gutterspeaking undead. Worth noting is that this militia looked like it was carved out of God's image. While all other things around them were dark, dead and dreary, they were bright, with whites and reds and blues draped over their armor. They looked as if they were probably the most high guards or court of a king somewhere. Their leader was badly injured and as the lieutenant sounded the retreat (which took place along the railway) he informed the group that their leader was indeed dying. Now, and perhaps most importantly, since I happened upon this militia I had heard a faint mumbling in my ear to which I gave little concern. As the militia retreated, they were followed and hunted by horrible wraiths and dark riders that perhaps were once part of the honorable militia but had fallen and were corrupted by a foul power. The faint mumbling was becoming louder with each passing moment until a dead scribe with a large book approached me. One by one, members of the militia were falling as they ran. In the wake of the wraiths and dark riders, the scribe then etched their name in the book, instantly raising them from where they had fallen and forcing them into service of this dark army. Hunted had become hunters. While the wraiths, dark riders and scribe passed me by (they had taken no notice of me, so I can only assume I was invisible) I had noticed the mumbling had become a loud beckoning and wasn't being shouted by the scribe. In fact, the scribe's mouth had been sewn shut, indicated by three large stiched X's through his lips. The beckoning was coming from the book. That damned book. (This book was probably the most horrifying part of this dream.) The book had an eyeball (a real eyeball) in the middle of it that searched for life in the general nearby area, so that the wraiths and dark riders would snuff it out in order to enlist another fallen in the undead army. Upon finding life, the eye would become fixed on the person, in a dead-on stare, so that the wraiths and dark riders could find a clear path to the living. I remember distinctly the book shouting a passage from "Saul 21:11 - All living whom encounter the forgotten ones will they too become forgotten." The book would keep reading its' blasted passages aloud, each one horrifying me more than the last. The last chilling moment I can remember in this dream was when the scribe passed me. The book fixed its' eye upon me and refused to blink, giving me the death-stare. You can imagine how terrified I had become. Since I was invisible, however, only the book was able to see me (through some foul power, no doubt) so while the wraiths and dark riders gathered near me, none could see me. After what seemed like an eternity, the wraiths and riders gave up their hunt for me and pressed forward, hunting the remaining militia all the while the eye in the book stayed fixed on me.

I wake up.

Whew! That was too creepy for me. My first thoughts whenever I woke up was "This is PROOF that there are two bibles in this world - the common bible (God's Word, The Light Bible, The Holy Bible --- whatever you want to call it.) - and the dark bible (I immediately thought of "The Necronomicon, from Army of Darkness). What was weird about this book was that the eyeball was always on the right side of the book, when you turned the page, the page that was flipped to the left looked like a normal page would - but you'd think there'd obviously be a hole there due to the eyeball. Weird. It was about 4am so I didn't go back to sleep for fear that the dream would pick up where it left off. I watched repeats of SportsCenter to get my mind off things.

Here's my view from the tracks of the hillside near where the militia was, though this isn't where I encountered the book, I thought I'd throw it in there just to illustrate my point.



I hope this doesn't creep anyone out as much as it did me. I do hope it made for an interesting read.

Crock gone!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Round 'em up!

Nope, its not time for one of Peanut Butter Paul's once-promised thing that quote; "every kid should have at least one of" (see Debate 2004). It's merely a weekend summation of events rewritten in digital king's english. Read ye on, lest ye be unlearned.

I played my first hockey game in over a year this past weekend. This time, its the summer league at Bill's Golf Land. While playing for the same team for years is a good source of annual fun, we really need to invest more money into our recruitment department. It seems like year after year we are constantly hurting to put a full team on the deck at a single time. We have enough players rostered, we just never get much more that four to six players together at any given moment. That's usually fine with me, as I play the entire 60 minutes anyway, but it really takes a toll on Necciai who not only has to play the role of Gretzky, but occasionally lend a hand to our bumbling defense. And boy, can we bumble.

I had an assist on one of Necciai's four goals this weekend. I also ate one of the smaller wingers from the opposing team in front of our net that netted me a two minute stay in the sin-bin. Hindsight being 20/20, I probably would have been better off hittin' the powerade at the intermission, since we not only gave up a power play goal, he also provided little nutritional value.

Afterwards, I went home and promptly got a shower. I couldn't believe how absolutely beat I was. I'm in great shape. I run a mile a day (usually) with at least 10 wind sprints mixed in there. I still am in a bit of shock when I look at how much my endurance has waned over the course of the past year. Taking a year off was quite a step backwards, albeit necessary. (Personal reasons)

Towards the end of the hellish, sweltering Sunday - Reese, Rollo and I claimed Richardson Park as our late evening haunt. We played catch for about an hour while working up a mean, sweaty stench that reached its vilest when we all decided we'd play a "hot round". While this may sound like our desperate attempt at stripping (it's not, but believe me, that will come) it really meant we'd just throw the ball as quickly as we can between the three of us, at close range. This went well until we all ignored our gloves and open-fisted each toss. Reese especially loves this, since she's quite adept at slapping a high speed ball with her hand. Broken fingers? Not quite, but damn close.

Our earlier attempts at catch were plagued by many balls rolling across the grass, across a sidewalk and into a river because either the throw was terrible (usually) or Rollo didn't catch it (equally as usual).

Wrapping it up, we left the park, hit up a freshwater spring, and went home. I was beat, Rollo stank pretty bad, and Reese was interested in a movie. I'll leave you with these questions:

  • Did I ever get rest?
  • Did Rollo ever get a shower?
  • Was Reese's thirst for a movie quenched?
  • Will I file a grievance against Grumpy at work?
For the answers to these and more, stay tuned...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Must...Write...

Lately I've gotten this itch to write about damn near everything and anything I can imagine. From blogging to bits of paper I keep at my cluttered desk at work, I've made a very real, very determined attempt at scratching this itch. I have no idea why I feel the need to get my thoughts down on paper, or digital internet, or stone tablet or whatever - all I know is that writing is what I'm compelled to do nowadays.

Hell, we don't have a video camera to screw around with anymore.

I find it somewhat distracting. All of a sudden I'm not so worried about when I'm going to find time to go running (don't panic, that's almost second nature by now) or what I'm going to eat for dinner. Instead I'm trying to formulate my thoughts into a format that would be the easiest to read. Thank God for the blog, eh?

This really is quite good, especially for Crock & Murph in the Morning. I find, the more I take time to write during the week, the sharper I tend to be when we're recording. In fact, I feel I do my best work when some of my comedy is written down on a loose-leaf sheet of paper that I can just tote with me to the show (like I've got far to go).

My recent fascination with writing has gone to such epic lengths that I often wonder what it would be like if I were to write a novel, or at least a really cheap "how-to" book. I found myself showering the other day, and completely focused on what I want to eventually write. I've got ideas. I've always wanted to author a series of children's books. Dr Seuss is a genius. I'm not bad at fantasy sports. I could write at great lengths on how to be successful there, if you're into that sort of thing. I've got loads of life experiences that I feel, if I didn't share, I'd be doing the world a disservice. I even ate a big sandwich once. A huge sandwich. Who wouldn't want to read about that?

I think my biggest problem is when/where inspiration actually hits. Sometimes it will strike me on the way to the bathroom when I'm working the midnight shift. Quite often, it'll strike me when I'm getting a shower. (Have you ever tried writing anything in the shower? Complete failure.)

The best part about my desire to write lately is that I've been updating SUYM regularly, and that's something that been a long time in coming. SUYM is quite important to me, and to update it is nothing short of refreshing. As is updating my Flickr. It really feels like we (the SUYM collective) are pulling out of a year-and-a-half long slump of doldrum-esque languish where we failed to do much of anything (aside from Crock & Murph). Sure there's no videos at the moment. That doesn't mean content won't come.

Quoting a co-worker (who I affectionately call Grumpy) to best describe the situation at hand:

Just because the lawnmower is broke don't mean you ain't cuttin' grass this weekend, asshole.
-Grumpy

Monday, June 11, 2007

Bachelor Party Recap

Everyone survived. Pictures will be on my Flickr tonight.

That's all you need to know.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Ted's Bachelor Party

Finally, another two weeks of the midnight shift is at a close. Well, in roughly three hours it will close, but that DOESN"T MATTER NOW!

What does matter is that tomorrow - my friend, your friend, everybody's friend Ted Collins (whom I affectionately call Buppy) will be in for the time of his life. It his bachelor's party / night out / what-guys-do-before-other-guys-get-married. If what Ray tells me comes true, Ted will be (once again) hauled home in the bed of some truck and leaned against the tree in his yard until he wakes up the next morning.

Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure what to expect. I've been around long enough to know a seriously awesome party when I smell one, but this has a certain hype about it that I find it damn near impossible to try to predict what is going to go down. Whatever happens, though, I'll be sure to write about what I can clearly remember. (Like the ride there! Everyone loves the ride there!)

That's all for now, more after "it" happens.

Adios.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Old Reliable

Well, crap.

So it's not the "made-by-a-mac", "iWeb-produced" cookie-cutter blog that you're used to. Yeah, I'm back to using my old blog, but you know what? It's not so bad.

Sure the other blog was more trendy, more pleasing to the eye. But you know what? This blog format never let me down. That's right, in a word - this one's been the most reliable. And in this crazy, mixed up world --- what more can you ask for in blogs or life in general that reliable things?

Blogs aside, among other things that I had once thought reliable, our beloved SUYM video camera tops the list. For years it seems like this camera could be leaned on heavily to produce mid-quality, serviceable movies for SUYM. I know we've certainly fallen short of our "video hayday" but hell, its not like we just ignored the camera. We used it from time to time to record haircuts, fireworks dissection and occasionally used it as a type of "analog Tivo" whenever our VCR broke. I guess you can say it didn't really see "regular use" but by no means was it ever overworked. So yesterday comes and we're to film our motion picture extraordinaire high atop Mount Uniontown. Everything appears to be going well until what I like to refer to as "The Brownsville Incident" occured. While driving through the cursed borough of Brownsville, I turn the camera on to get some sweet footage and notice we're getting a message on the LCD indicating the lens cap needs to be removed. We haven't used that damn lens cap since we got the camera in 2004. Further troubleshooting revealed the camera in BUNK-MODE which means its broke real good. No camera, no video. Now we've gotta pour our very limited funds into a new camera. Here ends the reliability of our first SUYM camera. We're set to have a viking's funeral for it, once we get another camera with which to film it.

Reliability further spits directly in my path on Friday when I was driving home from a brisk midnight shift at the Help Desk for Consol Energy. At the time I owned a relatively reliable 2000 Plymouth Neon. Sure it had 82,000 miles on it, but it had to get to that mark SOMEHOW, and the only way to achieve big numbers and long distances is to remain reliable. For some time now, my car has been struggling for fuel it seems when I first start it up, or whenever I come to a stop after a steep incline, or (more recently) at stop lights on route 19. Welp, after three stalls coming home from work that fateful Friday, I decide I'm done funneling money into a car thats bleeding to death. I don't know about you but 82,000 miles scares the shit out of me. A Neon is a cheap ass car to begin with, and wheel bearings and transmissions aren't built out of Jesus. They won't last forever. This, once reliable, Neon had to go. Happy travels.

Saturday I complete a deal (with my terrible credit leading the way) for a brand-spanking-new Dodge Caliber R/T. Since my credit is so shitty, I had assumed it would be best to try to get into a used vehicle, like a Stratus (I drove one of these for two months in 2004 and I thoroughly enjoyed it) so that's where I started. Rotolo's Chrysler Jeep Dodge did my mom a real solid a few months back when they helped her purchase her Liberty, so I began and ended my search with them. They informed me that since my credit isn't the best, it would be easier to get into a new vehicle rather than a used one. Chrysler Financial told me it was because newer vehicles are less likely to break down, come with a standard warranty and I won't have to go looking for another car loan in two years. I had no argument whatsoever for this. If I could get a new car (not to mention some peace of mind for the first time in many years) then, damnit, that's what I was going to do. Now, its officially called a "Crossover SUV" by Dodge but traditionally I'd call this thing a station wagon. Hell, I call Rollo's Vibe a wagon, and its defined by GM as a "Crossover" so what the hell do I know? I'll take my crossover (wagon) and my 230 total miles on the car and gladly not worry for the next six years.

To completely grasp the amount of fretful worry that I have generated sicne I was 16, I'll document each and every car I've owned since then. To date, I've probably owned more cars than some people own in a lifetime. The reason I got rid of the vehicle will appear in ITALICS directly after my comments about it.

Crock's List of Rides (through 2007)

  1. 1988 Ford Ranger 4x4 - This was a very special truck because my father, brother and I completely rebuilt it from the ground up. The front driver-size wheel flew off and over a hill while I was about to trade it in due to the engine slowly fading. FUN!
  2. 1996 Chevrolet S-10 - A two wheel drive truck didn't fit me too well, so upon Jake turning 16, he inherited it. I chose to finance a used car in the meanwhile.
  3. 1999 Ford ZX2 - A quick trip to the family excavation business during college made me realize that this isn't the vehicle for me. It was an awesome blue color so - I chose to keep it (mom liked it) and I bought another Ranger.
  4. 1999 Ford Ranger 4x4 - My first extended cab vehicle! It was completely paid off at the time I decided I needed to get a Mustang.
  5. 2002 Ford Mustang - This vehicle hung around for a good while before the payments became overwhelming shortly after my old man passed away (RIP). It also got t-boned by a dude who ran a stop sign before my shift started while I was working for the illustrious Calltech Communications, LLC. Let's pick it up from the accident.
  6. 2003 Dodge Stratus - I got this little number as a rental for a few months while my 'stang was being repaired. It was easily my favorite vehicle ever. The mustang didn't handle the way the Stratus did, and was harder on gas. Unfortunately after two months the 'stang was back on the road.
  7. 2002 Ford ZX2 - Another ZX2? For the love of God... This was the black one (sister wrecked the awesome blue one) and yeah, I had to use this for a greater portion of my college years (mom had the 'stang) since I needed to save on gas. It turns out that my old man was the primary borrower on the loan for this thing, so when he called it a life, so did the car.
  8. 1995 Jeep Grand Cherokee Limited 4x4 - Skip ahead a few years and the Mustang payment (I was using it again, mom took the ZX2) was too much for a kid who is working part-time at Canonsburg Hospital and knee deep in debt. So I traded out of the Mustang for a SUV for very little money.
  9. 2000 Plymouth Neon LX - After replacing the entire intake system on the Grand Cherokee, I decided that the gas mileage in the V8 was too much for driving to Pittsburgh every day. Not to mention the transmission was SHOT in the Jeep. My old friends at Three Rivers Volkswagen (remember the guys who almost hired me?) hooked me up with a Neon for very, very little money and my trade, of course. To this day, I thank the stars that they had that Neon as my Jeep would have certainly died in a week.
  10. 2007 Dodge Caliber R/T - The Neon was good to me, probably the best out of all the vehicles. Intermittent stallings coupled with an odometer that read 82,953 at the end of it's time with me, scared me enough to plead with Rotolo's to get me approved for SOMETHING. Well, they pulled through with flying colors. When they first showed me the vehicle, I told em "Ain't no way I'm driving a wagon." but then I got to drive it. This thing is loaded to the TEETH. Its even got an Autostick - a huge plus since I was torn between getting a 5-speed (to save gas) rather than sticking with an automatic. In all, I couldn't be more happy, and the price was low enough that I could add two more years onto the warranty comfortably. Hopefully this will be the last in a long line of vehicles. Even more hopefully, it'll be the most reliable of them all.
There. Reliable in a nutshell. I'm also realizing that a few other things are reliable. Here's a very short list:
  • Rollo not being on time for anything, ever.
  • Satellite Radio
  • Crock & Murph episodes without guests
  • Payday (thank God)
  • Pregnancies (babies havin' babies, daily)
  • Excellent Friends

I hope you can take something out of this and appreciate anything reliable in your life. Hug a friend. Kick an enemy. Call your mom. Appreciate what you got.