punishment for loafing

For years one thought alone has plagued me.

"What if Nickles Bakery stopped producing fat-free bread?"

Ask anybody who's close to me how I deeply I value my bread and they'll likely tell you a tale as tall as Rollo. Yesterday, that thought became reality. As my search for what remained of this bread extended to the corners of three counties, it appropriately ended at the Nickles Bakery thrift store in Washington. I immediately snatched the remaining six loaves from the shelf and proceeded to check out.

*queue The Undertaker's theme music*

While I was checking out, the clerk made small talk. None of which was important until she babbled on about how Nickles will be replacing my fat-free bread with a "Light 35" bread. A bread so filled with rancor, that it plays host to 0.5g of fat per slice. So, not only will the calories-per-slice increase by 5, the total fat in the amount of bread will increase from zero to somewhere near 10g of fat per loaf. That's a 100% increase from what I'd normally eat and completely unacceptable.

Knowing damn well this day was bound to arrive at some point, I tried my best to prepare myself. Sure I've got the motherload of bread in my passenger seat, but after this is gone - that's it! So now what? Well, I briefly explored the idea of selling the loaves on ebay, but decided if anybody's gonna enjoy these bastards it'll be me. Instead, I've already written a letter to the corporate headquarters of the Nickles Bakery. Broke three knuckles writing it. (a lie!) I don't expect that to solve any of my problems. Hell, if letters solved problems, we'd all get rich via penmanship. I don't expect it to do anything. I've got bigger concerns now.